They view me as a creature. As a fictional character who has really ....no identity. They think of me as being too loud but really it's my words they are afraid of. My voice they feel betrayed by. My mind they feel lost behind. It's my existence that makes them cringe..not because I did something or said anything wrong,but because they wonder what will I do next. There's something about not knowing ones next move that sparks a sense of curiosity.....it captures a stiff sensation of silence that only they can endure. It's quite fascinating. Sometimes I laugh because I wonder if they believe I'm powerful enough to change their views of me...I'd like to believe I am, but honestly....who ever believes me, other than me?
They look at my face and only see the color of my skin. That's how they keep us separate. They categorize me as "the Black girl" when clearly I'm just a darker shade of brown. They notice blotches on my skin and think I have a disease. Or how about when my hair gets wet and poofs up...they think I'm mixed with poodle. 😂😂😂 Something like that.. They look at my smile and notice my teeth are spaced apart and say it's because I chew on sticks, or maybe my teeth are straight and they assume they are false. Failing to realize I have gaps because it's hereditary...my teeth are straight because I wore braces. Simple minded people these days. They notice the fullness of my lips and assume I buy botox. "What's wrong with her?", they ask. I guess I'm not suppose to be different. They compare me to some skinny girl with big breast and say I should look like her. Her skin is lighter...her hair is smoother when wet...her eyes are lighter and the way she looks in the sun is just beyond amazing. They tell me I should look like her. They say she is the best fit for the world. But WHY? They say I am not worthy enough to exist because I'm different. My natural "flaws" don't represent beauty. My natural "beauty" doesn't fit in with the likes of society. So they expect me to change. They say my hair is too short, so I have to add some to it. And typically, I do!! They say my skin is too dark, I need to fix it. So I wear makeup. Lots & lots of makeup. They say I'm not slim enough, so I eat right. They expect me to be just like them. Seems like being different is not welcomed, but here I stand! But when I look in the mirror. I don't just see the color of my skin. Or the frizzed hair on top of my head. But In fact I see beauty. I see sweetness. There's nothing like a beautiful black berry. The darker the berry the sweeter it tastes. I look beyond, what I consider to be flaws and embrace them as beauty. When I look in the mirror, I see beauty hidden behind a shell enclosed between pain and happiness. I see hope. I see confidence... I see everything they tried to take from me. I thought I saw an ugly black girl for a while, but it took me some time to figure out that maybe it wasn't me who was ugly, but in fact it was them. Them meaning society. The place that has corrupted the minds of young girls..portraying this image of what "beauty" is suppose to look like, The place that separated women and created a great deal of jealousy. I can go on and on, but I rather not. All I will say is that I will no longer deal with the foolish entities that society has tried to place upon me. I'm far waaaay to beautiful for that. Xoxo ✨❤️
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May 2020
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