"Whelp Lord, if this is how I'm suppose to die, I'm completely ready." This is what I said to myself as my car tumbled into a dirt patch. My windshield cracked, but for some reason it didn't shatter. I hit my head as the roof of my car caved inward, but I didn't pass out. For some reason, I just knew my life was finished and frankly I wasn’t scared. You know how you can see your life flash before your eyes, well believe me when I say that is not an understatement. I remember driving and someone from the opposite side of the road sped (100 mph) into my lane and I had two options: 1. Allow this idiot to hit me head on, 2. Swerve and pray you don't hurt yourself. Whelp, I'm still here so you can say I went with option 2.
You never really know exactly how your life may end especially when all you hear is how short life can be. I texted my boyfriend and I could barely get the phrase “I’ve been in an accident” out without shaking. It took me, what felt like forever, two minutes to find my phone. And prior to that I couldn’t get out my car door because it was jammed shut. Luckily two men were able to help me. One called 9-1-1 as the other simply became my voice. I was too shaken up to speak. I called my mom crying. I knew she was gonna be so angry. If only I could express what I had to go through with having a car in general. Let’s just say it was not easy what's so ever. But I sure made it seem easy...like I do everything else. Long story short, the cops and paramedics come and all I saw were flashing lights. Five men are in my face asking multiple questions and all I could do was ask for my mom. My boyfriend’s face made me sad because I could only imagine what he thought. I wanted to call my dad, but I didn’t know what to say, so I waited for my mom to call him. My head was pounding and all I wanted to do was go to sleep. I remember telling the paramedics I wanted my mom to take me to the hospital...when in reality I just wanted to lay in her bed and sleep. But they all persuaded me to go anyway. Laying on that gurney i felt helpless...I wanted to just say I was fine, but in fact I was shattered. I didn’t have my phone with me and all I wanted to do was sleep. I felt like sleeping was going to take it all away. The waking up part, I left that in God’s hands, but I wasn’t afraid. As i laid on that gurney, I thought about everything I prayed for… New Car...New Job...Peace. Looking at my car, I felt like too much was happening at once for me. Especially since I had exams. I began thinking about everything that angered me severely…(can’t mention them here, but just know it was some hidden anger). By the time I closed my eyes to sleep...we were at the hospital. I was rushed in and although I knew I was fine, they treated me like I had been shot. Cut up my good clothes. I was mad as hell. I can’t lie...lol but I mean hey. I was stuck in the forearm with so many needles and they couldn't find my vein...luckily I like needles and have a high pain tolerance otherwise it would have been a problem. I just kept cracking jokes and trying to uplift myself even though I just wanted to sleep. I kept asking is my mom here yet? Is my dad here yet? Is my boyfriend here? Is anyone here? I was told No each time, so i told her to call someone. Eventually the security guard came and said my family was here. The look on my mom’s face was devastating...dramatic a little because she did the slow motion run kinda, but I knew she was worried. She hugged me and kept thanking God. I only wanted to see her and my boyfriend. I didn’t cry until i saw him cry. I'm not sure if he was angry...relieved...heartbroken...or if he just wanted to be the one in that bed instead of me, but whatever I felt, i know he felt it worse. I couldn’t see anyone else because I was embarrassed. Hair was a mess and yes i know i should not have cared about how i looked, but I was naked and looked rough. Naked because they cut off my clothes. Rough, well because all my gel and cantu wore off so my ponytail was shot. LOL LOL LOL LOL After multiple X-Rays and needles...It was time to go home and that's all I wanted to begin with. Eric held me and walked me to the car and kept saying, “Don’t worry, I’m right here and I’m going to find out who did this.” Oh yeah I didn’t mention, the car that caused this….never stopped. They just kept going as if the wind was blowing. Typing this makes me shiver a little...I couldn't sleep for days. I would close my eyes and feel my body go upside down. I cried all the way home that night...I cried in the tub...I cried before I went to sleep.. I even cried when I couldn't sleep. I just cried. I thanked God for life of course, but I cried because I never wanted that to happen to ME...but it did anyways and I'm glad it happened. I released everything I ever felt and finally received the peace I needed...This incident taught me to value my life more and everything that's coming to me.
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May 2020
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