I'm sure you are all wondering where I've been these last few weeks. I know I completely fell off of my consistent track, but your girl has been busy honey. With the semester about to end in less than a month, I have been focused on graduating. Yes, your girl is graduating FINALLY. It's amazing to see how I was doubted by certain faculty members, but God showed up and showed out for his baby girl. OK. Ohkay.
Recently, I have been going through a period of isolation. I've been focused on making sure I get my tasks completed before I stress on helping anyone get their ducks in a row. This isolation period has been great however with the holidays approaching, I must admit this is a tough time. This is the first Thanksgiving and Christmas without being able to see my Gaga. I still haven't figured out a way to visit her grave. I just can't go. I still haven't grieved appropriately if that's even a thing. Of course, I think about her and think about how she's gone, but for some reason i just won't cry. Crying is a weakness and because I have become so accustom to believing this, I won't cry. I don't know, just pray for me. For those who have been reading my previous posts, I just want to say I appreciate it. Nothing has changed per se but I want you all to be prepared because I am working on another series where I speak in depth on my current journee. I'm not sure if I should blog about this or vlog about this, but either way let's just say it's going to blow your mind. Married life has been pretty darn good and yes we are still going stronger than ever. God has been absolutely amazing to us and we cannot wait to share with you all that's been changing in our lives. Whelp Journee Bees today's post was just to give you all a cute little November update. Y'all be safe in these trying times because the crime is getting real in these streets honey. Enjoy your family and friends and well let's always pray for those who are reminded of those they lost during these times. X/O Ming 💕
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Occasionally we all chit chat with our friends. I mean it comes natural to converse about your day, your boss, that obnoxious coworker, and of course your relationship. Girl talk is almost as therapeutic as a glass of wine on a rough day or sometimes hotter than hot rocks placed on your back at the spa. However we often mistake a casual conversation with our girls as gossip. What is gossip? Gossip is defined as casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true. Now don't get me wrong, sometimes it's easier to feed into what you're hearing (especially when it doesn't involve you) rather than change the subject, but that doesn't stop us from sipping our tea within the process.
Well ladies, let's chat. For the past few weeks, school has been going smooth, but yah girl is tired. Waking up early (well 5 minutes before class starts) and doing assignments every week has me exhausted, but even more eager to graduate. After Spring semester, I will officially be finished with CSUN and will be graduating with my B.A. in Journalism. And to think I almost dropped out of school. I, too, have been considering changing a few things about myself. I'm thinking about cutting my hair again, but this time way shorter. I plan to add some color, just not sure which one as of now. Of course Eric tries to talk me out of it, but eventually I'm sure he'll come around like he did the last time. Not to mention, I was considering changing my website designs since I think I've been using this one for about almost a year. As you can see I am pretty indecisive about a few things, but I'll get it together soon. Hopefully!! How are things with you ladies? Let Me Know In The Comments.. X/O Ming For the past few weeks I have been fighting for my life. I’ve written posts that symbolized my current struggle and all that I had to endure. While writing through that pain I began understanding that God was preparing me for a major breakthrough emotionally. But before he could do so, I had to continue enduring the hell the Devil brought my way so that I could show God I wasn’t playing with him. I had to remain committed in various areas in my life & it was important for me to serve the Devil notice that HE WOULD FOREVER BE DEFEATED!
I have dug deep and discussed things I never wanted anyone to know. I have even backed away from writing because I didn’t believe I was strong enough to endure the hell my family gave me. As a writer it is my responsibility to speak on subjects that many shy away from. It isn’t for me to be looked as this bold person, but I have taken it upon myself to say, “you will no longer go through this alone.. because God is with you and I believe God has called me to be the voice for those who struggle with their own”. I write poetry. I write music. I write stories. I write healing testimonies. I write my truth. And with every piece I submit, God grants me the permission to speak. Of course I’m ridiculed and piss people off but I have always vowed to continue doing what God has called me to do. SPEAK!! I went from being a suicidal child who begged God to kill her to NOW being a powerful woman who accepts the many blessings God has given me. Don’t get me wrong, everything ISNT picture perfect, but it is everything I could expect because I know God has turned my mess into a message. X/O Ming 💕 You know writing this was a complete struggle because for so long I thought it was necessary to "accept" everything I faced. I convinced myself if I didn't complain or if I just went with the flow of things, I wouldn't have to "worry" about anything. Because of this mindset, I became comfortable with being mistreated by people who "loved" me and I missed out on loving myself. For me, I was accepting ,but I was wrong and here's why.
What we fail to realize is acceptance has nothing to do with liking or choosing or even supporting anything. Acceptance is about giving yourself permission to be as you are, feel what you feel, or have experienced what you've experienced without creating unproductive shame or anxiety behind it. I guess it's normal for us to feel as if acceptance is our ticket to freedom. "Maybe if I do this, they'll like me a little more", we say. I'm guilty of this. I have conformed and changed who I was so people didn't think I was boring or too scared to do certain things. Growing up I was always told I harped over friendships, but what I failed to realize was that I only needed to be myself with all of my friendships. I had to learn to trust myself. How many of us have been in a situation where we questioned our position? Whether it be your position on your job or in your relationship, you managed to question your acceptance. Because you didn't get what you needed, you believed you were the problem. It happens. The beauty behind this is knowing when it's the right time to start accepting yourself. Learning to love yourself is far more greater than being loved by anyone else. In today’s society, it’s scary to believe how many people would rather beg for the acceptance of others than to simply accept themselves. It’s almost as if they’re seeking approval from people who could honestly care less about anything they have going on. Oh what a terrible mindset is this to have. If you can’t accept who you are, why waste time begging for another’s acceptance? Can anyone tell me what there is to gain from this kind of behavior? Absolutely nothing. We must understand that when we begin accepting ourselves, things will always fall into place and through it all, God will be there to guide us. Remember to love yourself, trust yourself and accept yourself because I mean hey, you're all you have when they no longer accept you. X/O Ming 💕 Sometime within this last year, I struggled. I struggled with many things, but just finding the courage to get out of bed was a complete struggle. I questioned everything about myself from my looks to my responsibilities as a wife and so much more. I woke up each morning feeling really "off" and motionless, but I smiled as often as my face would allow. I told everyone, well those who cared to ask, that I was fine. I was happy- blah blah blah. I could have sworn I was going through depression, but it was worse. In fact, it turned out to be a spirit latching on to me. This spirit drained me and it seemed like I knew when it was off of me because I didn't feel drained anymore. I prayed as often as I felt I should, but because I felt God wasn't hearing me (hence I didn't give myself time to really show I wanted change) I just gave up. But for some reason, that spirit continued draining me and I was so tired of it.
So I started going back to church, I began reading my word faithfully and noticed this spirit started fading. Yea minor things still took place, but I didn't feel drained and motionless anymore. I felt powerful and so much more peaceful. Many of my readers aren't fully aware of all I had to face and are currently facing, and there's a reason for this. I have begged God for peace since I was 17-years-old and never received it right away. I had peace and joy once and my classmates would look at me funny like how do you have this and I'd always say, "It's because I speak it and believe in it" and sure enough I had it. But THIS time around, I begged God for peace and he has truly heard me. I feel untouchable spiritually because I know the Devil is busy, but when he tries to mess with me, he has to try harder than ever and is still defeated. I thank God for my peace and I will never lose it again. x/o Ming Stumbling to the ground, she felt her skin ripping open. This burning sensation on her became extremely uncomfortable. It wasn't the sun, but the eyes of those who stood there and watched as she was bruised and battered publically. People gathered around and watched as she was humiliated. "I heard she was asleep in her room when they found her", some said. Others said, "I heard she was on the run from the police for two months before they found her". She listened as she was ridiculed and badgered, but through it all, she remained silent and the lashing continued. The lashes were stripping away at her flesh; blood dripping down her back and while others expected her to make a noise, she remained silent. She took all that was given to her and never said a word. This confused those around her because they knew had it been them, they surely would have screamed and pleaded for the lashes to stop. They questioned this woman's strategy, but secretly admired her bravery. When it was over, she was forced to lie on the ground because she could not move. NO one moved. Some children laughed at this woman. Women kicked dirt onto this woman as they walked past her. Men stood there and were only concerned as to how long it was going to take for her to get up. But NO one offered to help, they all stood and watched as she lied on that ground. In a puddle of her own blood, she recognized it was time for her to get up, but just could not. She felt someone standing over her and she heard a sweet whisper that said, "Get up my child, for I will carry you home". Few hours later, she got up, dusted off her dress and headed home. She continued to stumble, but she never stopped moving. Along the way home, she witnessed how everyone mocked her walk, how whenever she walked past people would stare and whisper, but she continued walking home. In so much pain she pressed and never said a word. Finally she's home and as she is preparing her bath, she cries out to God. "Lord, I am so tired, but why did I have to be beaten severely"? She pleads with God to answer her and with tears covering her face, she finally hears his voice. He says, "Be strong. Take courage. Don't be intimidated. Don't give them a second thought because I, your God, am striding ahead of you. I'm right there with you. I won't let you down; I won't leave you." (Deuteronomy 31:6) He said, "I'll refresh tired bodies; I'll restore tired souls."(Jeremiah 31:26) And it was in that exact moment where she knew that her silence is what kept her alive. Sometimes we feel we must speak when we go through things when in fact we must remain silent and allow God to fight our battles. The Bible says in Exodus 14:14 "God will fight the battle for you. And you? You keep your mouths shut!" So yes, let people mock you. So yes, let people ignore your requests. So yes, let people do whatever it is they're going to do because it is YOUR SILENCE THAT KEEPS YOU ALIVE. We must learn to remain silent in noisy places for the end is near. The saying, “what happens in this house, stays in this house” was very serious to follow by in certain households. It’s quite hurtful that as girls and boys we can’t tell our parents we don’t feel loved by them so they can listen to our hearts or that we can’t simply ask for help because our family will talk about us. They will question, “why should I help you?” instead of asking, “how can I help you”? They'll be quick to encourage you to give your problems to God, but are even quicker to ask you for a handout and use God as the voice who told them to ask you. Guess they don't believe in taking their own advice.
Sad isn’t it? They would prefer for you to suffer publicly so they can gossip about you privately. They would rather celebrate those who don’t celebrate them, rather than see you off because you’re doing something amazing with your life. They would choose you to be the lookout but never want to look out for you. I guess they just don't believe in taking their own advice. For 23 years, I have become accustomed to dealing with both good and bad attitudes. I guess that’s what happens when you establish any kind of relationship. You have to learn how to maneuver through your good days and bad days with certain people. Otherwise it’s just being said “you have an attitude today” or “oh just because you have a little money, you’re acting different.” But what happens when you simply decide it’s time to match the same energy you’ve been given? Oh let’s not pretend as if we’ve never felt like treating someone bad because they made us feel less than or maybe we’ve decided to bless others because they’ve always been there for us. It happens. Oh never mind, I know a few of you will say you’ve never felt this way before. I get it. You’re in denial. Today’s post isn’t about getting even, but about addressing things within the “family”. But first I have a question. If you believe you are a loving family who just goes through rough patches here and there, then why are you so quick to speak down on members within your family who are struggling with a few patches of their own? Sounds to me like jealousy or maybe you just need some attention for the moment. I guess you got tired of holding on to your secrets, so you felt the need to spread lies. Who knows? It's been said that when people talk about you, it's because they see something in you that is missing within them. I think that only implies when they are bold enough to comment on the way you wear your hair or the fact you dress nice each time they see you. Maybe they want to be like you and it frustrates the hell out of them that they just cannot. It's also been said that family gossips about you because they are looking for a new prey to place the target on. An example of this would be bringing up past situations (jokingly or non jokingly) that can make you upset because now the attention is off of them and onto you. Or they can be hateful and use their words to manipulate the minds of others to turn against you. Either way, you are the new target. In which I will now refer to you as THE NEW TARGET. It amazes me how easy it is to influence the minds of the weak with the use of words. It's almost as if their minds were trained to believe nonsense. Anything they hear, they instantly believe because IT SOUNDS CONVINCING. Crazy right? So then what happens after they believe it, their emotions change, and then they begin to speak negatively about you (the new target). Then depending on who they are "venting" to (usually an in-law or family friend) will decide if the fuel of the fake fire will continue to rise. What I mean by that is the issue isn't real, but because their mind is so weak, they believed what they heard and ran and told the next witness. Now this witness adds their input, encouraging this weak minded fool to keep expressing themselves and now the mastermind behind this is sitting in the back laughing believing they are too smart for their own good. All because you believed something that was not real. Now I see why church folk say an idle mind is the Devil's workshop. He sometimes believes he is just too smart for his own good. Now everyone in the family is aware of what they believed to be convincing and have now formed both an opinion and chose a side. Unfortunately new target, no one heard your side because well you weren't ever really aware of what's going on. You're smiling and laughing believing people are being genuine with you when in fact, they are just waiting for the fire's flame to rise. They are waiting to see you burn, almost prepared to crucify you as if you're the problem. Talk about messy messy messy. You're finally aware of where the target has been placed and you're confused. You're being treated as an outcast all while being innocent, but the minds of the weak are too caught up in believing what was just too convincing for them so now you deal with looks, people not wanting to speak, them unfriending you on social media and oh so much more, but you stand your ground. Oh new target you are braver than most. Needless to say, you smile through it all because now you know where you stand and have decided that they will no longer place a target on your back so you removed it and threw it into the fire they caused. You didn't burn, but sure enough the weak minded fool had to apologize (as they usually do) for God said he will make your enemies your footstool. And he did. But then again, no one really has to go through this because your family truly stays together. Ha who are we kidding? It's no longer a secret once the family knows, hell they're the cause of it. x/o Ming 💕 This has to be one of the most important yet hardest questions I’ve ever had to answer. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve all been in this situation and ultimately become frustrated because we aren’t receiving what we deserve. A simple, “I’m sorry” or “Please forgive me” is so complex for the average person. Why? My bid is on lack of maturity or just someone who doesn’t like to be wrong. Everyone enjoys that feeling of wanting to prove someone else wrong and making them look bad. If you disagree, you are surely lying.
Bu the simple answer for it is pride. Pride is defined as having a feeling of being good and worthy. The adjective is proud. The word pride can be used in a good sense as well as in a bad sense. In a good sense it means having a feeling of self-respect. ... This might mean that someone has no respect for what other people do, only respect for what he or she does. We’re all prideful. Some more than others but the downfall in being prideful is missing out on certain moments. While you’re so busy being angry, you’re missing out on spending quality time with the people you love. Are you willing to give that up because you’re so upset. Aren’t you tired of being angry? Aren’t you tired of missing out on special moments? Nowadays we have become ok with having beef with people rather than taking responsibility for our actions. It’s easier to be mad at one another and it’s even more easy to just ignore them. I’m always ignored and although it’s hurtful, I’ve learned to get my point across in other ways. Some believe if they apologize, it’ll get the heat off of them, but if you truly know the person, you’ll know when the apology is sincere or used to mute you. The real work is in the action and some of us aren’t mature enough for that. I saw this post on Facebook and it said, “if you offer me a sincere apology and change behavior, I’ll never bring up our past issues again. But if no apology is was given and you’re still repeating mistakes, you can’t ask me to stop mentioning the past. The past is actually the present if you haven’t changed.” When I saw this post, I instantly knew what today’s post would be about. Last week we discussed self reflection and how it’s always easy to blame others. So I guess this came right on time. For my own reasons, I personally don’t believe in apologies. In my defense, typically when I receive them, it’s always sealed with some bull crap excuse which eventually results in the same action being repeated. I’m tired of asking for you to own up to your actions.. you know what you did and how it made me feel so that should be motivation enough to change. But when you’re comfortable with conflict, changed behavior sounds like hard work and you run from it. You see why I don’t accept them? But you don’t have to follow me, you can accept as many apologies as needed, but just watch out for changed behavior. Because with changed behavior come changed circumstances. For some of us who believe an apology won’t ever fix it.. or maybe all the person has to do us apologize and they won’t for whatever reason, I pray you heal from things no one ever apologized for. x/o Ming 💕 Since the age of 9, I vowed to never allow anyone to make me feel as if I didn't matter. I was made aware, very early in life, that vulnerability was a sign of weakness and I should be guarded with my heart because the second I open my heart, someone will be right there to take it from me. Tears weren't meant to be seen and emotions shouldn't be broadcasted. I would be there for myself emotionally & no one would ever hurt me again. Can you imagine how I felt at the age of 9 vowing this to myself? I felt so empty and scared, but I believed in what I said.
Fast forwarding years later, I struggled with self reflection. My vow was to never show emotion so when I began meditating and searching for peace, I was forced to tap into areas that I vowed to leave behind. You wouldn't believe all the nights I stayed up crying alone because I had to relive all the craziness I had to go through, but I made it. Self reflecting was difficult because I wanted to blame everyone else except acknowledge my part. I was comfortable with being the victim because it was easy. You'll understand later on. I read the reason for self reflection is for us to gain a better understanding of ourselves both emotionally and mentally. We all self reflect differently; some use spoken word, writing or even mirror interactions. It's definitely necessary, but for some of you that are like me, just take it one day at a time and be open to the idea that you will have to be ok with change. For many reasons I have become guarded with my time, my emotions and my heart. There's no secret behind my reasons for believing crying is a weakness, but because you already know this, let's discuss something you may not know: like the fact I hold grudges and I'm almost certain this is the reason I don't trust people enough to offer them my friendship.
I'm really BIG on holding grudges. I believe if I forgive you the first time, and you do the very same act I just forgave you for, that means you were never really sorry. Implying you lied and had intentions on making me look like a fool. SO instead of cursing you out or putting my hands on you, I will just cut you off and never speak to you again. Now, before you mention that "YoU'rE oNlY hUrTiNg YoUrSeLf" trust me, I sleep well every night as I'm sure the other party does too. I know how to ignore someone who serves me no purpose, and the kicker is they become frustrated by the idea that you aren't paying them any mind. See here's the thing. I have been too nice to people and have only gotten the short end of the stick. I have fought people and was expected to just forgive them because that's what God says. Granted! They're forgiven, but all is not forgotten. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me and let's be clear I will never be anyone's fool. What do you think? X/O Ming |
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