close your eyes and begin to imagine losing the one person who hurt you the deepest..
I mean gave you the deepest scar possible..to where you couldn't even think to forgive them.* *Now think about that person..or people. Whether it be your mother, father, sister, brother, daughter or even the "love" of your life. Just imagine seeing them lying in a casket and begin to think of all that was said. All that was done. Now ask yourself...How many times did you say I love you? How many times did you hit them? How many times did you hug them? Pray for them? Support them? How many times did they tell you how much they loved you? How many times did they say thank you? How many times did they say, I'm sorry? And lastly..how many times did you forgive them?* Before reading this...Understand something..Forgiveness only comes from within. A wise woman once said.. It's only a matter of time before you have to ship off some things..just don't let it be too late. Below is a eulogy written by a mother to her eldest daughter. She found a letter her daughter had wrote moments before she left the house. They had a fight about childish things and before the daughter left she said, "I'll be dead one day and when I die...we'll see how much love you really have for me". Those were the last words this mother heard and now she's burying her child. To my baby girl: I was just a baby when I had you. I didn't know what I was doing,but when I held you in my arms, I knew I was going to love you. Already having your brother..I felt like I could give you both the world. Or die trying. Watching you grow was the best time of my life. Witnessing you walk and talk gave me so much joy. If I could do it again I would and trust me I wouldn't change anything. I remember your laugh. I loved to see you dance when family came or just to see you with your siblings. I know you thought it was selfish of me to make you stay home to watch your siblings just so I could go out, but at the time I just wanted to feel free. I wanted you to be safe. I'm sorry. But I know it's too late. In your letter, I felt your pain. It was the pain I once felt for my mother. A pain of resentment. A pain of embarrassment. A pain that held no words. A silenced frustration is what I considered it to be. But you called it HELL!! You said that you never felt loved by me..and that you were tired of me treating you like anything other than my daughter. Crazy how I felt the same about my mother. I can't take back my words. I can't take back my rage..I cant take anything back. But know I loved you and I still do. As a mother..I want all my kids to be better than me. I always felt like you were ashamed of me because I didn't speak properly or because I didn't know what other parents knew. So yes, I pushed you away. I believed you hated me because I held in a grudge when you didn't do what I asked. So yes, I pushed you away. I looked for you be the parent on certain occasions, so I could be free. And yes I was selfish..but I didn't think it would affect you. Some nights I came home drunk..and said some things, but it was only because I was jealous. Of what i don't know..maybe it was because you were doing more. You accomplished so much and I looked at my life and felt trapped. So yes, I pushed you away. Yes, I hit you. Yes, I broke your heart just as your father did. Yes, I mentally trapped you and emotionally drained you. Yes, I did all of this and look where we are now. Yes, I allowed myself to become bitter and angry. Yes, I took it out on you. And look at us now. I watched as you found love in someone else. I noticed the smile you had. I understood the reasoning behind it but I wished it were coming from me. I felt like you turned your back on me so I continued to avoid you. When you asked me questions.. I ignored you. I would Say things to you. I never wanted to Hurt you, but I didn't want to carry anymore of my own hurt. I'm sorry, But it's too late. Please remember that everything I did for you was because I loved you. Every hurtful thing i said to you...I didn't mean it. Everything was wrong of me and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I won't be able to see you walk down the aisle. I'm sorry I won't see you have kids. I'm sorry but know I love you so much. To my other children, I know I've said some hurtful things. And I know I'm not the best mother, but I try. I try to be better than my mother. I don't want you to ever feel as if my heart isn't full of love for you. If i don't tell you I love you..please know I do. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Baby girl please wake up so we can talk this out. Please please please........pl...... plea.....please..
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AuthorLove Me or Hate Me...My Story Will Live!! Archives
May 2020
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