Time and time again we have portrayed this persona as if everything was sweet. We pretended to smile whenever people were around because we simply couldn’t show my tears. Me crying would give it away. Before walking in the door, the phrase “Action” replayed in my mind. Thinking about it..I feel like I was saving you from the embarrassment. Let’s be honest if these same people you want approval from really knew the truth, would their approval still matter? There’s no way! But then again me being me, I couldn’t let you be embarrassed by anyone even if you’re responsible for my tears. Of course you’d say otherwise or you would even say, “Well idk why you’re mad because I didn’t do anything”. Once again NEVER admitting to anything. Speaking my tears away...ultimately results in you walking away because you can’t have your way. Once you walk away, the tears just develop again but that smile overshadows them because we can’t let anyone know we have issues.
You’d rather hurt and disappoint me then to see others disappointed! I’d hate to believe I’m not a priority, but you leave me no choice. I can’t act anymore because through it all I’m the only one who wants to recognize the truth. I’m sure you’ll say otherwise and hey it’s ok. Failing to improve the issues just results in us spreading apart. And even then the issues will remain but neither of us will work on them anymore because we’ve become so accustomed to pretending. Guess that’s just our personal poison. Ming 💕
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The skies are usually blue and clear, but today they are grey and cloudy. The birds who once chirped are now silent and no longer in their nest. The trees that once grew tall are now bare with broken branches that cover dead leaves. What happened here..we all wonder. We all try to understand why the birds are gone and why the sky isn’t blue. We try to think if there was anything we could have possibly done to change the circumstances. But deep down we know it’s because of us that this happened in the first place.
I found another grey hair today. It was long and frizzy. I twirled it with my finger all while caressing my scalp. I smiled each time I gently combed my hair and saw that grey hair find its way back to the top. Questioning its reasons for being here, I eventually had to just accept what was being handed to me at the moment. I figured it’d be perfect for me to hide my grey hair that way no one would tease me. What young woman my age has grey hair? My heart hurts. I gave you everything I could but for some how it seemed like you didn’t appreciate everything I gave you. I remember waking up in the middle of the night feeling alone. I wanted to reach out and grab for you but I didn’t wanna wake you. I remember feeling like I was having another episode and you were too busy to notice. You were always too busy for me. Go figure. I can’t handle the idea of not knowing why you never cared, but I was accepting of it. I knew I could never change it and because I couldn’t change it...you pushed me into the arms of someone else. I think it was the way he looked at me that made me feel safe. Or was it the fact he smiled at me in the morning? He helped me grow as an individual. He helped me through my darkness. He made sure I was protected. I loved the light he brought to me. I loved the idea of being wanted by this man. And If it had not been for you not wanting me.... I wouldn’t have found him. So thank you. As she ran through the hallway, she tripped on a piece of glass. Stumbling into a dark room, she felt the glass piercing inside her knee as blood slid down her leg. Curled up onto the floor she held her hand over her mouth. With tears running down her face, she tried her hardest not to gasp for air too loudly. Her eye was blackened, her lip was busted, and her fist was bruised. She closed her eyes for a split second and with only a short moment of silence, she heard as someone was approaching the door. The steps began to get closer and the words,"Open the door you filthy b*#¡h" alarmed her. Crying out,"Just leave me alone!", the voice got louder. The door knob turned and her heart began to race. With one hand holding her knee and the other holding on to the shower curtain..she knew she had to make a decision. As she walked to the door...now with blood covering her entire leg, she opened the door.........and there he stood.... This wasn’t just some man to her. He was perfect to her. He wore suits by day, laughed at every joke, and smiled like no tomorrow. He was the person that was suppose to teach her how to fly high. He was the person who was suppose to teach her life lessons. The man who promised to be her protector when her mom died. But his promise was completely voiced. She became his punching bag because life was punching him. But everyday became worse and worse.
Bruised, Battered and Scarred, she ran and hit him with whatever she could find. He stumbled and fell to the ground. “I’m gonna kill you now!” He hops up from the ground and is now chasing her around the house. With the front door locked and no key to open it, she runs in the kitchen. “What do I do? What do I grab?”, she thinks. “Come here”, he shouts. “Leave me alone!”, she pleads. But clearly she knew he was not listening. Now hiding in the downstairs closet with an iron in her hand, she hears a phone ring and he answers. Whoever he was on the phone with, she hears I’m coming right now. This was her final moment to break free. Hearing the front door open she just knew she had to take this chance or die trying. She hears two voices and peaks through the closet door. What she sees is another man who just so happens to be her uncle. He’s asking for her, but doesn’t want to come inside. The men disappear and she makes a run for it...but once again, there he stood & this time he wasn’t taking “NO” for an answer... TO BE CONTINUED!!! |
AuthorLove Me or Hate Me...My Story Will Live!! Archives
May 2020
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