For the past year...I have been on a journey. The journey of love. The journey of friendship. The journey of spiritual guidance. The journey of fulfilling my own happiness. The journey of temptation. Let's just say I've been through some journeys. My entire life has been one hectic journey. However, I am grateful for the blessings and the lessons given to me during each trial. The purpose of this post today is to encourage those who are going through their journey(s) to keep pushing through and to share some insight on each of my personal journeys.
Journey of Love: About two years ago..I met someone. Someone worth waiting for. Prior to him, I was wasting time "falling" for someone else. Within that entire situation, I played myself because I wanted to be noticed. I wanted to feel beautiful. I wanted to stand out from every other girl who wanted him..and honestly..I'm pretty sure I didn't. Well at least not to him. Long story short..I wasted time playing myself. I spent many nights crying and asking God for a guy bestfriend..(yes a guy bestfriend). I wanted someone to be honest with me. Someone to give me insight on how guys think, etc...and let's just say God answered my prayers. I say this because I indeed met someone...Eric. In the beginning, I was not team Eric. I felt like I was going to "fall" into another trap and be wasting my time. But something inside of me continued holding on to him. As time went on, I felt like he could be the person that I prayed for. He was genuinely a phenomenal guy. He made me laugh. He encouraged me to be a better me. He noticed me in a way I always longed for. He accepted me and actually wanted me. He gave me his heart and I gave him mine. Things weren't easy in the beginning. My parents felt I was distracted and well let's just say they were doing things overprotective parents usually do. But Eric still remained by my side. He still reassured me of the promises he made. Why? He said it was because he loved me. He told me it was because I was everything he ever prayed for and couldn't imagine life without me. Truth be told...He's the reason I believe in love. He's the reason I believe in happiness. Long story short..if it had not been for me wasting time the first time..I wouldn't have been able to start over with someone new....... Journey of Friendship I have lost many many friends this past year..lol 😂😂 I laugh because I'm exaggerating just a little bit. Id like to believe I only lost roughly about 7, but that's a lot to me. Considering the fact I don't have many friends. I lost 1 from a fight (just ignorance), 4 from just a simple "stepping back", and 2 from..well let's just say I don't have time for the fake fakes. I know my exterior comes across as being mean or snobby, but my heart is very pure and genuine. I take friendship very serious. I don't do titles, BUT as a friend, if I'm needed...I will be there. When times are good, I like to consider myself..nonexistent. Reason for that is because people don't need me. However, when times are bad...that's when my friendship matters. 😂😂 I can laugh about it now because I'm immune to it. I've been able to deal with being used. Not saying it's right, but I'm aware. My fews on friendship NOW...I'm ok with the ones I have and for the people who've been released..I'm ok without you. Simple as that.. Journey of Spiritual Guidance This has been the toughest journey for me because I have been battling with the idea that God has forgotten about me. And before anyone begins saying, "No Symone, God can never forget about you," or "Why would you even think something like that?", let me clarify. Lately, I have been attending church service and I feel like something is missing. It's like physically I'm there but spiritually, I'm vanished. Now a days..you can't bring your burdens to the alter without worrying about people bad mouthing you. You can't talk to your pastor because everyone wants to know why. You can't talk to your First Lady because she isn't approachable. You can't even walk to the alter for prayer without worrying about someone raising a brow. I understand we go to church to reverence God..however people make it hard to do so when they repeatedly try to ruin your character. Instead of discussing how this person's marriage is falling apart, why not pray for that marriage. Instead of gossiping about how this leader drives a certain car..thank God they have a vehicle to drive. Instead of feeling like your money is being taken because of what someone else is saying..simply ask. Now, I don't believe in running away from my problems..but I've reached a point where attending church every Sunday or participating in service, is no longer in my heart. There has been times when I told God that I didn't wanna wait around anymore for him to "fix" situations that were traumatic for me. But that i would bury them myself and not deal with them. Crazy right?! I thought so too at first, but now I just take it one day at a time..... Journey of Fulfilling Happiness Umm this journey is a working progress... happiness is something earned and not given. Well happiness is an inner feeling. You can't expect to be happy when you are in a bad headspace. That's just my opinion. I can't say I'm 100% happy with myself but I can say that I keep myself busy. So in order for me to be happy..I have to keep busy. I guess it's like I'm trying to forget about the things that aren't making me happy. That's a different post for a different day. So stay tuned.... Journey of Temptation Temptation...Temptation.. and Temptation. That's all I have to say about that. 😂😂 Each journey has taught me many lessons..and honestly I'm still learning new things. Hopefully..some changes will be made but I know they have to start with me. For those who are going through their own persona journey(s)...just keep pushing through it. Don't give up and just own your truth. Who can stop you from being you?? X/O Moe💕
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May 2020
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