For the past three years I have been busting my ass trying to find ways to create amazing content for my audience. Create something real, raw and relatable so my audience knows I mean everything I say. I've spoken about love, God, family, friends, and even wrote stories to leave them wanting more. I have stayed up many nights trying to perfect my posts, empower my black women, and have even taken it a step further with speaking on controversial topics. Hell, I've cried so many times because I didn't feel confident about what I was writing about. Of course, no one knows THIS. So why doesn't it feel like I've accomplished anything? Am I losing my mind.
What was meant to be a private diary resulted in a public healing process. And as much as I want to take the credit for this movement, I simply cannot because if it were truly up to me, there would not be a journee. I am constantly asked what I want people to get from my blog or in what direction do I want my blog to go in. A part of me wants to just laugh and say, "Stay Tuned", but I know that isn't a real answer. I don't want my blog to be just "another blogging site with no real substance", but at the same time, I need my blog to bring change to at least ONE person. Even if that one person is me. Do people really care about reading MY feelings? Is that even a real thing anymore? I'm beginning to feel as if I'm no longer interesting (and by me I mean my writing). I guess it was cool when I was expressing my hatred towards my failed parental relationship or my failed relationships in general. Sometimes I feel like I've bitten off more than I can chew. Between the makeup, vlogging, and blogging and personally thinking of ways to remain positive, it's finally starting to catch up to me. I'm not upset about it, but I eventually want to be someone in life and I need to leave a legacy. BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ANYWAY? At this point, I feel stuck!
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May 2020
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